Fourth Sunday of Easter
Fr. Anthony Brankin
There has been a lot of news these days in the media about the Catholic Church’s teaching on marriage and divorce and civil remarriage. And in one sense that is good, because it helps us all focus for a few moments on the reality of marriage and family and what Jesus expects of us and why the Catholic Church, in her teaching and in her practice, unlike any other institution, upholds the reality and necessity of true marriage. And true marriage is a union between a man and a woman that is faithful, for life, and for the sake of the children they will have. In fact, the man and woman are faithful to each other and for life because that is necessary for the children they raise. Catholic teaching has always been that the primary reason of marriage is the begetting and raising of children. Of course marriage involves the love and companionship of a man and woman, but the first reason for marriage is family.
Centrality of children
I will admit that for many years I hesitated saying that marriage was primarily about children. I always hoped that I could talk about love and affection between spouses and then sort of slip in the stuff about having babies. But I realize now that I was only co-operating with the spirit of the age, a spirit that says that marriage is really about human companionship and sexual pleasure. Our age tells us at every turn that children are sometimes planned and sometimes unplanned—but always an annoyance. They have driven us to the point that we almost feel like we need to express our sympathies if someone tells us they are going to have a baby.
We clerics spent the 50 years since the invention of the birth control pill terrified of even mentioning to men and women anything about children. And so we priests and bishops were complicit in helping modern people believe that marriage is a relationship between two people that is mostly about the relationship and not about children and therefore, not about family. The tragedy of that modern notion is that once young people realize that you don’t need to be married to have sex, that you don’t have to even be of a different gender, that marriage is mostly about hooking up for a while with someone to whom you are attracted, the young people ask: who needs marriage? Who needs children? And they just hook up with anyone for as long as they want. Marriage may be nice for some, but certainly it is not necessary.
But when the children inevitably arrive to such a union, there is no stable family to accept those children. Just the baby’s daddy. No real father, who is bound in the eyes of God as a husband to this woman—or as a father to these children. He took no vows. He made no promises. What’s her problem? And he leaves when he wants to leave. And when a child is born to a mother, who is not bound in marriage to the father, she is deeply sad but can only say to herself, “next time I will just have to be more careful.” And believe me, I tell all our young unmarried couples looking to baptize their babies these same things: Marriage is about family—having children—and God-willing, lots of children. Because that is good in and of itself.
Christ’s understanding of marriage is ours
If men and women are to have families, they must be married. Only marriage as the Catholic Church understands it is able to protect not only the man and woman in the marriage bond. Marriage protects the children that come from the marriage bond. How does the Church understand marriage? As Christ did. As the unbreakable linking of a man and woman, vowing before God that they will be faithful and not get a divorce and raise whatever children God sends them in the love of a mother and father—in the love of a family—in the love of God. And the Church’s rules come from Jesus Himself. I would say that Jesus speaks more about marriage and faithfulness, divorce and adultery, and children and adults more than He ever speaks about any of the other Sacraments. And why not? If God established marriage for the preservation and increase of the human race, then marriage is hugely important. The human race needs children, and children need families, and families need marriage. There are no families without marriage, and marriage is as simple and sublime as a father saying to the mother and the mother saying to the father: “I swear before God that I will stay here and take care of you and our children for the rest of my life!” That’s marriage—and it creates families and is necessary for children.
Jesus forbade divorce and remarriage, because He loved the children and knew in His divine wisdom that children would need faithful, permanent, and fruitful parents, who would not abandon them and start up with another family and another mommy and daddy. Yes, we all know that divorce happens. Jesus knew it too and no one, not the parents or the children, are happy about it. But Jesus Himself said that “what God has put together no man can tear asunder”—not a judge, not a lawyer, not a court. A valid marriage is for life. And that is for the sake of the children. That is why the Church law says that if there is a second marriage after a civil divorce, the remarried persons cannot go to Holy Communion. And why not? Because they are living with a person, who is not their spouse. A person in such a second marriage can go to Communion again but only after the first marriage has been declared null, which means that after an examination, it is found that there actually was no true first marriage. That’s what an annulment is. If that declaration of nullity is not obtained, then they must live as Joseph lived with Mary, as brother and sister.
The Church is simply handing on what Jesus taught about marriage, and Jesus taught this not to be mean and create burdens but for the sake of families and for the health of the children. All God wants to do is to keep families together. He wants troubled husbands and wives to sit down and realize what is at stake and take a deep breath and realize that their personal happiness comes from the happiness of their little boys and girls. It is always unfortunate when bishops and priests portray the teachings of Christ as too difficult to observe, that to be faithful to one spouse for life is an impossible ideal. My goodness, is lifelong, faithful marriage the one sacrifice that Bishops are unwilling to ask of our parents?
A man and woman’s only duty
Friday night we had something very beautiful here at Saint Odilo, a father-daughter dance. And I marveled at all these precious little girls in their beautiful dresses and their handsome fathers dressed in their best suits. I missed an opportunity to tell these men how proud I was of them. This is what men do. They take care of their little girls and their wives too and their little boys, as well. They protect them, cherish them, and see that no harm ever comes to them. They guard and defend these people, whom God has given them. That’s their job, their only job. That’s their duty, their only duty. I saw at that dance how it all comes together—men and women—love and marriage— children and babies. Family and life. I saw in an instant that a man’s only job is his wife and family, and a woman’s only job is her husband and family. And when that all comes together, in Christian marriage, every problem can be solved, every happiness can be obtained.