Today of course is Father’s Day. Yes, this is the day we buy Daddy a tie and get him a card and tell him he is the world’s greatest
Dad. Ok. That’s fine. That’s cute. But maybe—if we have been paying attention—we might see that father’s today need more than a tie and a card. Maybe our fathers need encouragement and prayers and a fresh take on things—just so they can be better fathers—strong and good—in a society that would rather not have them at all. Maybe we can use this as a day in which we and our fathers can confront head-on the challenges of Fatherhood in the modern world. And for those of us who are not fathers—we can us this day to encourage a good and strong and holy fatherhood in our husbands or brothers or uncles or cousins or friends.
We can ask ourselves: Have we helped the fathers among us or hurt them in the fulfillment of their responsibilities—either by things we said or didn’t say? Or by things we ignored and paid no attention to—but perhaps should have? Yes, there are a lot of less than perfect family situations out there. But that only means that we can do something about those situations and start fresh—and maybe today! And any priest can help you get started to make your situation better—just give us a call.
So let’s get to Father’s Day
First of all, Father’s Day is not about fathers. It is about wives. Yes it is. You cannot be a good father unless you are a good husband. Fatherhood—without the component of a wife—without a life-long, faithful relationship to a single woman means nothing. Fatherhood without a wife is biology compounded by lust. Unless you are faithfully, permanently and fruitfully married to the woman who is the mother of your children—you are faking it.
There was a time—maybe even only 15 years ago that we could assume that someone who called himself a father was married to the mother of his children. No longer. Statistics tell us that about 60% of American children are born to parents who are not married. 60 percent of our children are fatherless in a very real sense. This is both a symptom and a cause of the moral collapse of our people. The absence of marriage in a family is the single most responsible culprit for poverty, family breakdown, violence and even crime. And if it doesn’t cripple the present generation of a family—it will surely strike down the next generation. Oh maybe many unmarried fathers live at home. Any one of them might protest: “Well I might as well be married. I live with them
and I go to work for them. I feed them and they live in my house.”But that means very little. Because, if a father has not sworn before God and God’s altar that he is going to take care of this woman and these children and stay with them for better or for worse—for richer or for poorer in sickness and in health…until death!—then he hasn’t done much. Because they all know—he has not really committed to them.
What is marriage but a vow—a promise—a pledge—a contract—a covenant—a sworn agreement that he—the father will forsake all others—and live and care for this family exclusively. He will take care of them—no matter what—for life. When a father is faithful to his wife—he is faithful to his children as well. He will not leave them when he spies someone cuter or more interesting or thinner or younger—or healthier. He will not leave them when the noise level gets too high—or there are too many trips to the hospital. He will not re-think his commitment to them when he discovers that he has to stop hanging with his buds and stop drinking and smoking dope or playing cards or sports or whatever.
Death to self
He will not say to them—“I don’t need this.” He will say “They need me. I will be there for them.” And this vow is for life. That is why marriage is so important and more than a beautiful ceremony—because when a father—or a future father—gets married he understands that he is giving up his life for the rest of his life. He is giving the whole of his life as a gift—the greatest of gifts to his wife and his kids. He gives them his own life so that they may live—and live well. In a real sense he is dying for them.
Now, a father may not have to actually die for his children or for the mother of his children—he certainly must be willing to die—if by his death they might live—but that is probably pretty rare. But a father—who is doing it right—truly does die to himself.
He casts his lot with his family—with the children he has begotten and with the woman who has borne them. He dedicates himself to their future. In fact his future is theirs. This is what a man does. A man does his duty—even if it is hard. A man gives up sleep so that they may rest. He says “That’s ok. I’m not really tired.”A man gives up his supper so that his family can have a little more. And he tells them “That’s fine, I’m not really hungry”. A man says to his wife: “Don’t worry—You don’t have to take those pills—I will take care of you and the babies.”
A man stays home and deals with his family. He works with them and plays with them and talks with them. He lets it be known that they are his life—and his place is with them. That too is giving up your life for the ones you love. But a Father—to do it right—must be married to the mother of his children and a Catholic man must do it before God—before a priest and two witnesses. That’s the marriage that counts. If a man cannot swear before God that he is going to take care of these people for the rest of his life—for that is what marriage comes down to—that is not manly—but something else. He is a fraidy cat who does not want to make a commitment—who doesn’t want to get hurt or get an emotional boo boo. He’s a coward who wants to leave a door open and give himself an escape hatch in case things get rough. Such a one will not forgo his own needs so that the needs of his wife and children are met. But that’s not a man. A man marries the mother of his family—and together they lay out the path for heaven for each other and for their children.
And so Fathers Day comes down to this: A good father must be a good husband. His focus—his vision—his life—his days and nights—his dreams and hopes must now be about his wife and through her his children. And when this happens then every day can be Father’s Day.