Sixteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time
Fr. Anthony Brankin
Sunday Marriage Teaching 2015
For the last two weeks we have been opening up the package that we call “Marriage.” First we spoke about it on Father’s Day when we mentioned that if a man is to be a good father—he must first be a good husband. And then last week we talked about marriage—its indissolubility and how Thomas More and John Fisher were martyrs for the sake of marriage. So why not keep talking about marriage for another week? Marriage is huge in all of our lives. And truth to tell, marriage and same-gender marriage has been all we have heard about in the media for the last three months—as they tried to manipulate us into a new understanding of what marriage is. So let us talk about marriage—but true marriage—truth to tell because if we have healthy marriages, we will have healthy families and that will bring forth a healthy society in which to live.
First of all, Marriage is the foundation of society—every society—every era, and all peoples have always taken marriage to mean the permanent and faithful union of a man and woman for the purpose of having children. That’s marriage—even before it is a sacrament—marriage is a natural relationship which humans have had for thirty thousand years. At its heart, Marriage is a human reality established by God Himself to be a compact between a man and a woman to come together to form a family and precisely for the continuation of the human race. It was Cardinal George—God rest his soul—who pointed out that marriage came before the Church. And even before the Bible. It goes back to the cave days—it goes back to Adam and Eve. As long as we have had humans, and wherever we have had humans, we have had marriage.
Do civil marriages matter?
Jesus raised marriage to the dignity of a sacrament—but that is a special grace given only to baptized Christians. But there are millions of true marriages performed every day in every part of the world that are true marriages—even if they are not sacramental. Now if it is true that there is marriage outside of the sacramental world of the Catholic Church, it would be wrong to think that our Catholic faith has nothing to say about all those marriages—even if they are not performed in the Church. This is an important point because sometimes you hear—even from Catholics—that the Supreme Court decision legalizing same-gender marriage is purely a civil matter—that it does not involve us Catholics since we Catholics are about marriage insofar as it is a sacrament. In other words, the government has its version of marriage—civil—and the Catholics have their version of marriage—sacramental. Therefore we Catholics should only be concerned with marriages done in church and let the state do whatever it wants to do about marriages done in court. Nothing can be further than the truth. Let me give a little Catholic theology here.
First of all, we know that all Catholics must exchange their vows before a priest and two witnesses in order to be married. If that does not happen, they are not married. However, any two non-Catholic people—man and woman—who are free to get married and who exchange the proper intention to be married—and marry each other according to the regulations which they understand—are validly married. They are married in the eyes of God and in the eyes of the Catholic Church. Otherwise we would be saying that only Catholics are married. And we cannot say that. Two Jews or two atheists or two Muslims or two Zoroastrians or two Baptists who exchange marriage vows before their Rabbi or minister or even a judge—if they promise to be faithful to each other for life, and give the right to the other person to have children—those two people are married—validly and for life. You see, even if they have not been baptized, their marriage is nevertheless a valid natural relationship.
A non-Catholic couple is just as bound as any Catholic couple to be faithful and exclude divorce and include children. Marriage is not just for Catholics—it is for everyone, and the Catholic Church is competent to teach about what is and what isn’t marriage—even when it is a civil matter. The Church teaches the whole world that marriage is between a man and a woman faithful to each other for life and for children. This teaching is for the Sherpa guide living with his family in the mountain fasts of the Himalayas. It is for an indigenous tribesman and his family living in the dark forests of the Brazilian jungle. The Catholic teaching on marriage applies to the atheist politician in Washington, as well as to a Catholic farmer in Nebraska. This understanding of marriage belongs to everyone, whether or not they are Catholic—because God’s Revelation belongs to everyone.
Do not be fooled by those who say that civil marriage is not the concern of the Catholic Church. It is our concern because it is about humans and their relationships and their destinies. And that is always the concern of God and Jesus and His Church. So what does the Catholic Church then teach about marriage? Marriage is a gift from God—like our own human nature—and God has obviously decreed—by means of biology and psychology that Marriage is about children. I cannot say it plainer than that. MARRIAGE is about the begetting and raising of human beings. That is why marriage—to be valid—to be real—to make any sense—must be between a man and woman. And man and woman—their biology and their psychology and their sociology—are ordered to the conception of human life. The acts of love that take place in a marriage are likewise ordered to creating human life. That is the nature of things. Any relationship or act of love that denies biology or gender and therefore intentionally denies conception or prevents children— is against nature. It is twisting what God has designed so perfectly into something very imperfect. And that includes the use of artificial birth control.
Marriage is about fruitful family life
All authentic sexuality—all of it—is ordered to human life. Only physical love between a validly married man and woman—and open to children—is virtuous. Any sexuality—other than that—we can be talking pornography, adultery, fornication, self-abuse—is sinful. God has designed the whole thing—the physicality—the emotionality—the complementarity to be about creating and then protecting new life. Even the fact that a man and woman must be faithful to each other is because of the children they may beget Even the fact that a man and a woman must vow themselves for life is for the sake of the children. A child must be able to say, “I know that my Daddy loves me and will stay with me—because he loves Mommy and stays with her. I know that my Mommy loves me and will stay with me—because she loves Daddy and stays with him.” That’s why the recent Supreme Court decision on same-gender marriage is wrong. It is wrong not because the states did not vote on it—not because the people did not vote democratically. It is wrong because same-gender marriage denies the purpose of marriage which is children. Two people of the same gender cannot conceive children. Certainly there are people who are incapable of conceiving children, but that is not of their own free will, and this incapacity to have children cannot be equated with sodomy. Anything less than the openness to children and you have a parody of love—a mockery of the marital act—you do not have marriage.
All of this is to say that Marriage is about family and family is about children—naturally conceived and naturally raised. Any notion of marriage that does not understand that children are the necessary reason for that marriage (as well as married love) is ultimately selfish. It is about me and my pleasure and my needs. That is why marriage is not about friendship or companionship because that is about me and my needs. Marriage is not about emotions or feelings, because that too is about me. No. marriage is not about me—it is about them—the children who are conceived in an act of love that is unique—spiritually and biologically. Marriage is about family, and family is about children. And if we all understood marriage and love and family like that—this would never have even gotten to the Supreme court.
I do not know what we Catholics can do about what is happening these days in this avalanche of propaganda and manipulation except to resolve to resist the brainwashing and stay close to the faith of our parents and grandparents. We must resolve not to let them change us—or our beliefs—for that will be the best thing we could ever do for our families and our future. Of course we are all aware that this idea and reality of marriage is not so perfectly lived in today’s modern world. There are a million different marital situations. But we can straighten those situations out— all we have to do is sit down, talk with a priest and see how things can be resolved according to Christ. Maybe all it takes is a simple wedding in Church, which by the way should cost nothing. Maybe it will take a Declaration of Nullity, which after an investigation would conclude that whatever anyone previously thought—this marriage is really null and void from the beginning. Maybe it will take a new way of living at home—perhaps as brother and sister. Whatever it takes, it will be consistent with God’s will that any sins be repented of and a new way of life—a virtuous way of life—become our way of life.